Okay, Even the Russian Agrees!

So I listened to a Russian man on Project Camelot - Valery Uvarov - and he says essentially the same thing that David Wilcock is only noone is as cheerful and positive as David Wilcock. Check out Dolores Cannon too.
So, from what Uvarov says, you have to be very healthy to live through the times coming up. Even David Icke was talking about keeping yourself well from flu-type things(manmade or real) by taking lots of VitD3. Now why, JUST WHY, would all these people be saying the same thing if there weren't something to it?
The Russian isn't an intuitive - he goes by science only. He says - just science, NO remote viewers or anything like that - just science. Then he went on to say that the Russians were the most spiritual people in history.
His character was very confusing. Sometimes he seemed like such a reasonable, mature person who was just going to talk straight out with great honesty to share with people and then he would also act like an ego person whoacted like he had a big secret and he wasn't sure he wanted to tell you.

But HERE'S the crazy thing - tonight I am going to confront my son and tell him that he must agree to get both physical and psychiatric help because he is convinced he only has a few months to live and then here I am thinking that I only have a couple of years to live because of the great changes to the Earth.
My neighbors are sitting outside laughing and talking like normal people should. How can I ever be normal again?

How Can the Worst Get Worse!

I have spent the day practicing being very cheerful, grateful and spiritually aware because of some of the "stuff" I've been reading by whistleblowers. They say that to overcome the negative entities and activities that are coming to a head in 2012, that it is vital for our survival to raise our spiritual vibrations by living in joy.

Then the rest of the day happened. I listened to a very intelligent and scientific talk by a russian who has been working and studying the pyramids and historic and ancient history. His understanding on all this is just a slight variation of everybody else's only he comes right out and says that if we aren't in really good health then - we will die. I have fibromyalgia. So that's that. I have no real traumatic feelings about dying in 2 years - I just thought I might live through it because I carry no anomosities against anyone.

But even that is not what was bad today. Tonight I called my beautiful, dear, paranoid psychotic son to tell him that my husband and I were going to just leave him alone for 3 weeks to continue on his recent schedule of actually doing productive work in his garden and outdoor space. He is strenghtening his terribly weak muscles from being in bed for 10 years, and seems to not have any great paranoid psychotic plots this week. But then he said that he thinks he is dying and only has a few months to live and doesn't want to find out any facts about it. He just wants to die in peace.
He says his bills have been so bad lately because he felt that drinking expensive health drinks was keeping him alive but since he can't afford them anymore he will just do without and.....I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID, BUT HE WAS GOING TO GO AHEAD AND DIE AND IT'S OUR FAULT BECAUSE IT IS TOO EXPENSIVE TO BUY THOSE HEALTH DRINKS!! Holy shit! Just holy shit.

WHAT THE............!

Wow! I don't blame anyone for not reading my blog. It IS rather depressing(HA! understatement!)
Soo, really nothing has changed as far as ALex goes. Mike and I have gone to visit the local mental health clinic (Absolutely NO activity), we visited the hospital where supposidly they take the critically mentally ill for stabilization and the lady there said that wasn't true - that there wasn't even a psychiatrist in the hospital; we called the number online and they said that you call an ambulance and have them taken (maybe with police help) to the MAIN ER and then they send him to the hospital that doesn't even have a psychiatrist, for treatment.... hmmm, something strange here.
Of course it's all terribly complicated with the information I have obsessively been listening to on whistleblower sites where they say that there are huge concentration camps here IN THE USA to be used for energy(?literal?) food for the reptilian aliens that live underground on our planet - ESPECIALLY UNDER THE VATICAN- and that they are in cahoots with the Illuminati that are the richest 400 families in the world that actually OWN the Federal Reserve (well..the Rothchilds) and run all the governments behind the governments.
Now, how does THAT paragraph effect you? Actually I DO know - because I have the same reaction. NUTS! CRAZY1 LOONEY! F....ing OUT OF IT! But, actually, it's true.
Yup - true. It took me a LONG time to get there from where YOU are, but my non-believing self really, really got there.
OH! Here's the worst thing of all....THE MOON'S NOT REAL!!!!!!!! Try THAT on for size!!! SO - George Lucas, as well as most of Hollywood, has been on the inside for YEARS. George knows the truth. Guess what the DEATH STAR is modeled after? You got it - the MOON!!!! Don't believe me? Go to PROJECTCAMELOT.ORG and just listen to some of these guys. They aren't freeky loonies - they are mature, intelligent, highly respected ex-military, or scientists - EVEN ASTRONAUTS! Just check it out for yourself. Really - you kind of need to know the truth to save your own life. Oh, and check out HAARP and the other towers all over the USA that send out waves that control YOUR MIND.

psychotic paranoia

It was inevitable that his spychosis would eventually turn on me and I knew it would and I was completely prepared not to take it personally - BUT IT REALLY HURTS!!!
He recently became quite normal sounding after the cops quit following him (?) after the sting (?) at his friend's house to catch him selling his oxy (?)
He said he was himself again and that he was getting stronger and he was being able to remember things that had happened to him the past year that he couldn't deal with during the time because he was living in crisis mode just surviving and just couldn't deal with any more but he remembers now that the boys next door came in while he was asleep and FILED HIS TEETH DOWN like in the horrifying picture on the front of a scarey magazine from somwhere and that he had been HOMOSEXUALLY RAPED REPEATEDLY and how could I be such a bitch as to want my car back when he was dealing with the most horrible, sickening, traumatic things a person ever could in their life and how I have changed from the caring person he knew growing up and I don't seem to care or believe him that I could even think about the car.

I did that all in one long, run-on sentence to give you a little bit of an idea of what it is like to listen to him - only he is yelling all this time. I paid a hundred bucks to a counselor - a good one - to get some advice about all this, but I need to ask her a couple of questions and I don't want to pay her another hundred just for 10 minutes. AND my car is having actual huge explosions in the gas tank!
Isn't there someone wise and experiences to give me some advice here?

2012 AND Paranoid Psychosis

Holy Moly! How quickly things can change! My precious son's paranoia has now turned on me and I can no longer communicate with him. I know he is not devistatingly alone however because he has 2 friends that support him now - one is a drug dealer that set him up with the DEA in a sting (could be true or not), but he considers her his dear friend (!) When I tried to question him about it all, he flew into a rage and told me that we couldn't talk about it because she might go to jail - even though we were in my car at a public park with no cars in sight and no one could possibly hear us.
Then he attacked me for the pain meds I take for my Fibro and arithritis in shoulders, back and said that I was always "high" and HAD to take them every time I saw him to treat anxiety. Now, neither of these is true but how do I convince him of that? How do I convince him that I am the one who has stayed by him every minute for the entire 10 years he's been ill and loved him unconditionally?
I HAVE failed him by not making him get better help several years ago. Help!

So - 2012 - I have learned SOOOO much! First, I refer you to the Camelot Project and David Wilcock. You can watch David's talks on Youtube. It is impossible to ignore this man's brilliance no matter if you give a s... what he's saying or not! And I believe him. basically he gives a complete scientific explaination of what is going to happen so that even I can get the gist of it but the point is that our DNA is going to change to the next level of evolution SUDDENLY and we will be 400 times more open to the spiritual side of the people, mother earth and the universe. We will live in love and harmony and we will be able to heal disease and (I wish I could put this in tiny letters) - fly.

Now I understand how "out there" this sounds from an old lady like me - and I am quite boring I assure you - but listen to this. When I first got into our souls and after life and stuff, I got a book by a Chinese man who wrote a book about our souls and I kept reading it because he has such a beautiful mind. But now I picked it up again and started from the beginning and even though I was alone at the time I shouted out loud that it was EXACTLY WHAT DAVID WILCOCK was saying about 2012!!!!! The books are the Soul Power Series by Dr. Zhi Gang Sha. The specific book I am reading is "Soul Wisdom". He is a precious treasure and his book is full of precious treasures for you.
PLEASE listen to David's lectures on Youtube Camelot Project (and check out all the scarey ufo and illuminati folks there too)

My Angels Astonish Me

As far as I know I have an angel and a male-type spirit guide and they have been absolutely amazing me this past week and tonight they just crack me up!
I have been asking them for very specific helps lately - about one each night and their answers are so obvious that even my skeptical husband has to agree that they have been answering.
The "coincidences" are so good!
Anyway, yesterday for my rest time I listened to a new meditation tape that my daughter bought me. It was the first time I have listened to the colors of the chakras in meditation.
So, I get e-mails all the time from Stumbleupon and most of the time I have to ignore them because I simply don't have time. It's been weeks since I opened one but tonight I did, just for fun. It was an art site BUT the second site was on pineal meditation and I clicked on a guy in a very colorful shirt who just started talking about the colors of the pineal chakra. DO do dum dum dummmmm
I LOVE IT! I am going to heal myself of this damn sickness. I haven't finished the medical meditation book yet but I am already convinced it will work. I just need to feel well enough to get through it!
My paranoid psychotic son is stealing all my energy right now and I am not feel at all patient about it. I need to summon up some loving-kindness along with tough love to get him out of his cave garage and move home and get well. I don't think even one person has looked at my blogs so I can't ask for prayers - I guess I'll ask my angels!

Well...I need to Explain

I'm not saying that The Urantia Book is gospel. But then I don't think the Gospel is gospel. I just think it's another explaination. And I also don't think there isn't a Hell - I just don't think it's what we generally think it is.
I also want to say this - NOONE CARES HOW MUCH YOU KNOW UNTIL THEY KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CARE.
I think people get so tied up in their lives and jobs and close circle of collegues, that their entire view of things becomes very small and their emotions are easily threatened. This is so especially true of people who work in churches and politics. I wish all these people could understand the difference between knowledge and wisdom. Both pastors and politicians can be passionately eloquent stating lots of scripture and the constitution and current thinking and still be off key. And when the person is BOTH a churchperson and a politician you get .............!
I wish I could say more but I've got to get to work.

Law of Attraction

Well! Throughout several sources of my readings about heaven and the afterlife PLUS "The Secret", I am so tickled about how this really works. Intellectually I know it works and when I put it to the test in small ways it always works so I am wondering why we all don't use it all the time.
I am also wondering why humans haven't known about the afterlife and our wonderful spirits and spirit guides always. I am very upset about how the Catholic church decided to erase all mention of reincarnation from the Bible in the 3rd century. They did that so they could put the fear into people that they had to "repent" and accept Christ NOW.
All through history people have suffered so so terribly from fear that the Catholic church caused. It really makes me furious. The real truth is that hell is in your mind and if a person thinks they are going to hell, then when they die they think they are unworthy to go to Heaven, so what they expect - is what they get! God doesn't let them suffer indefinitely - He sends spirits to get them. But if, by chance, you die thinking you are unworthy of Heaven and you find yourself in a dark place, look for that little white light and call to Jesus to come and get you and He will! Just that simple.
From all the hundreds and hundreds of near-death experiences we have learned that we judge ourselves in that instantaneous life review and then later our soul partners talk with us and go over our lives in detail and analyze what you did wrong and how to make it better.
From several readings about hypnosis to reveal our spirit selves, we CHOOSE our lives to come to experience the events we need to help us grow in the spirit to our ultimate goal - to LOVE AS GOD LOVES US. Wow. What a challenge. How do you think we are doing as a species? Pretty scarey, huh!
I know you have questions about hideous people like Hitler - well, we learn that their spirits are so damaged that their very particles are rearranged into someone different. Energy can't be destroyed, so that's why they are rearranged.
When I was a very young mom in a mountain cabin, some summer residents came to talk to me about their spiritual view. They told me about the Urantia Book. I thought they were crazy. They were excited to die so they could go to the "mansion worlds". I didn't have a clue what they were talking about. They said the Urantia book was written in the early 20th century by a group of people who were given divine revalations about what to write. It is a HUGE book that would take forever to read. It has the complete, detailed history of our planet and all the creatures. I remember that it talked about our spirit guides that could be from other planets.
I keep talking about this because have recently learned that it IS ALL TRUE.
It is sort of like the Bible but without the archaic language.
I plan to scan through it again now that I have learned more.
Isn't it always true about us folks that we either hate or make fun of what we don't understand!
We are such a stupid species. I wonder how God tolerates us at all. But I guess He sees possibities for us.
Cheers.

Another new thing to deal with

Well, I did go to DC. The old Mayflower Hotel is just as beautiful as ever. I had 3 full days to see what I could. The first day, Mike had the afternoon off of his meeting and he went with me to the Air and Space Museum. I couldn't believe how crowded it was. I guess it was because it was a Saturday. But Sunday I got to look at art. Monday too. I had forgotten how much I love real art. You find yourself just in astonished awe that you are actually in front of a John Singer Seargent or a Whistler or Bierstadt.
And I had forgotten how much I know about art. I got so tickled when I met a lady in those exquisite marble bathrooms in the modern art gallery and we talked about art and I realized knew every painting she mentioned.
But the trip home was a new kind of problem. My plane left at 4pm - the middle of my usual daily rest because of my Fibromyalgia. I had the middle seat - also after our layover. Because of this I was unable to lean on anything except the tray table to rest. I was one of the last people who got off the plain because I was using my cane and when I got up the ramp to the terminal and took a few more steps, I collapsed. First time in my life.
It was 10:30pm in our little terminal and there was noone in sight for me to ask for help. Mike was outside waiting in the car. When I was telling him what happened and wondering what to do my little miracle happened - a man came racing around the corner with a wheelchair to get the last broken down person on the plane. He kindly helped me first.
This has begun a new phase of life for me. I was again that exhausted 2 days later when my husband was out of town.
I'M NOT AN OLD LADY IN MY BRAIN!!!! It doesn't seem well planned that our brains are still young when our bodies break down. Hmm. I rarely find problems with how perfectly God has life planned out. It has to be something we did wrong. Well, Stephen Hawking becomes an even more huge a hero to me. Isn't he cool!!! He should have died 30 years ago.

The Pain of Loving Him So Much

My beautiful, sweet son is suffering so terribly much. His mind is so full of fears that he is unable to ever rest except when he can reach deep sleep. When we are out of the house he is constantly looking around at all the imagined followers that are "watching" him. If I even hint that he is hallucinating, he gets wildly upset and turns away from me and instantly shuts me out and says that if I don't believe him he feels absolutely alone.

I did believe him about the police watching him. He IS a very suspicious-looking person. He wears all black, has a shaved head, has no visable means of support, stays inside that dark garage for days at a time, and seems not to have any obvious disabilities. I DID see people that seemed to be watching him - but not as obvious as they did about 5 years ago when there were 5 cars of them that watched him and changed positions every 15 minutes. That time he didn't have psychosis yet and he didn't tell me what was going on for 3 weeks. He never thinks I can do anything to help him, but when he did tell me, I went to his house and had him come and sit on the porch with me and we talked about his health and his troubles. I went into his house and his garage and within MINUTES, they all disappeared.

This time he said he got to talk to the "homeless" woman that was always stationed at one of the 2 places he always goes every night - he goes to the Goodwill and ARC drop-offs to check for stuff. He has seen her ever since his house burned and he has always been kind to her. He bought her coffee and gave her a sleeping bag. But that night he got to talk to her all night and told her all his mental problems. She disappeared the next night and hasn't been seen since - AND he hasn't been watched by the police ever since.

BUT 2 days ago he said now he's being followed by other people. He doesn't know who they are - he thinks they may be a neighborhood vigalante police group of men who are unemployed and don't have anything to do or maybe some gay people who are interested in him, or maybe his annoying neighbors who like to torment him just for fun.

There is NO place where he is "safe" - even MY bedroom. He comes over about 9 at night when his day starts to talk to me before I go to sleep. Last night the electricity went off and he said he saw a flash light outside flashing at him through the window and that it was his neighbor who always flashes a light in the trees to torment him. Of course he didn't admit that it could be the neighbors using their flash light because the electricity was off.

SO - I have been having panic thoughts in the middle of the night because I am realizing he is so out of control and it's so big and complicated that I am completely unable to help him. Under his black clothes he is still his sweet "little boy innocent" self. He is completely peaceful and kind, compassionate and caring. He is strangely naive because of all his learning disabilities. He can't do many normal things like get a car licensed or get an insurance policy or find a counselor. My husband and I have always had to do those things for him. He is 36 and he doesn't even know that he doesn't know how to do those things. He is brilliant doing any kind of woodwork or electrical work.


Normally a woman can look to her husband for wisdom, strength, and help. My poor, dear husband is so overwhelmed and depressed that he just can't handle it. His job takes all of his energy and Alex spends way too much money on his hypochondriac superfood drinks and vitamins and cleaning supplies to live in a garage with no facilities but hose water. (crazy sentence)

Three weeks ago I finally told him that he has to come home to get well. That is so traumatic for him that his mental fears are worse than ever. I have to be as patient and tactful as a saint to keep him from falling and shattering to pieces.

When I try to talk to my daughter to get some understanding and support and if I mention that he thinks he is being followed, she just says she can't even talk to me if I allow him to say that without challenging him on it. So I don't talk to anybody - except Blogspot.

I need to go fix dinner.

Washington, DC

I love DC. I have lived in Colorado for 66 years, with one year off in '65 in London, '70 in Kansas City, and '81 in DC.
I love the way it smells, like boxwood and greenery - like England does. I admit that I was literally knocked over by the summer heat and humidity when I got out of the car the first time but the gift of air conditioning makes it bearable.
Mike was invited for a year to work there fto help write guidelines for the then program to help unemployed people to get retraining for jobs.
The kids were 5 and 7. We lived in a very nice complex in Alexandria that was full of people from all over the world. It took quite a while for me to feel competent to drive there, but when they had a light snow I felt like the worlds expert.I remember being amazed by people from South America sitting in a parking lot just burning rubber off their tires trying to get out. I also was amazed by a lady we saw every day when I took the kids to school from South America who drove with one hand on the horn. Unbelievable!
But after growing up in the relatively sterile cultural environment of Colorado, we reveled in the vast amount of rich sources of museums, historical sites and buildings, and beautiful gardens and greenery.
We were so fortunate to become very close to one of our neighbor families who were from Turkey. They enriched our lives considerably. I learned so much about a true Islam family.
I had never met anyone before who included their love of God as the prominate subject of their day. I loved her.
Anyway, Mike has a conference in DC this weekend and is staying in the beautiful, historic Mayflower Hotel and I am going too. It took me a long time to feel that Alex was stable enough for me to be able to leave town. I have not left town for 10 years because I've been afraid of leaving him alone. (this is my paranoid, psychotic 35-yr-old son). Also traveling with Fibromyalgia as bad as I have it is quite tricky too. Actually, I had better go pack. YAHOOO!!!

families of the mentally ill

Well, I just can't figure out how to find the blogs I want. I think I am probably just too old to be able to use these sites like the young do. I wanted to find a site for support about having a mentally ill family member. I did go to a NAMI class (National Asociation of the Mentally Ill) and we had a few group meetings when it was over, but the group just didn't gel. I tried to go on Craig's list in town to find one and I think that site is just for the young because of the crazy names and titles there - plus all the "language" - nothing real.

I am messing around about starting a book about the past year because when I tell people that they just wouldn't believe what we've been through, they say I should try. There is just so, so much. I'm not sure anyone would want to read such a book. Maybe thrill seekers. I would like for other people to share what they've been through and see how we have handled things, how we have tried to learn the right ways to help him and I need their advice.

I watched "The Soloist" a few days ago and it was just so obvious to me that Steve Lopez and the first chair cello player thought the mentally ill man could just CHOOSE to act normally and do normal things. They just didn't get it. The wonderful man who ran the homeless shelter did.

The homeless shelter literally makes my stomach churn. If I don't get my son on the right track before Mike and I die, HE could be sitting outside that shelter all day in that cement city surrounded by the noise of all those tortured souls. I just couldn't stand that. Here in Colorado Springs, he would sleep down by the river in weather so cold it could kill him. Of course in our wonderfully famous "Fundamental Right -wing Republican Christain" city, the homeless are not allowed to exist. Even the unemployed homeless families are not allowed to "BE" anywhere that other people can see them. If they try to camp along the river the cops will come and throw away all their few precious belongings and items that help them survive. The shelters are beyond full. Where are they supposed to go? Wow, this is just another "thing" I get up about.

This coming weekend I am planning to go to DC with Mike while he has a business meeting. We lived there a year and I loved it. We get to stay at the Mayflower - an exquisite, grand old hotel. It has lots of ballrooms that they use for conferences now. Think of that - lots of ballrooms! Each one uniquely designed. We used to take the kids there on Sunday afternoons and sit somewhere in a corner and have tea and hot chocolates and watch. Now I get to stay there for 4 nights!

This is the first time in 10 years I have dared to leave Alex alone in town. I am very uneasy about it now. I DO have the comfort of a mature, responsible, understanding daughter and her husband in a town nearby, but she and Alex do not communicate. He would call her in the middle of the night if something really bad happened - like when he got arrested for unpaid parking tickets.

Now he ONLY has a vengeful sociopath stalking him, another seriously angry, vengeful no-good, low class, violent (what other words can I use?) person angry at him(who is trying to set him up as a meth-maker! TRUE!), two immature guys next door that secretly film him for fun, several negative spirit ghosts that constantly taunt him (yes, that's true too whether you want to believe it or not), AND a few cops from the Colorado Springs police deparment watching him all the time to figure out if he is a drug dealer or a crazy terrorist or what.

Damn! I have no business leaving town! And right now he won't talk to me because I went to his house just after he took the trash out and raked his back property and THE GHOSTS really give him a bad time when they think he cleans up for his mom. YES! YES! Truely! Really! This is what we are dealing with! Can you believe it? It's TRUE. I HAVE TO YELL BECAUSE IIT'S SO F...ING CRAZY!!!!!

something nagging me

I just have to mention this because it bothers me about the whole basis of my research. The first time I heard Eckhart Tolle interviewed on Oprah he said something kind of strange. He was talking about why he wrote the book "The Power of Now". He said he was very depressed and had decided to commit suicide. He said he was thinking to himself that "I am going to kill myself" and he said he suddenly realized that "I" and "myself" were 2 people. That's what got him started thinking about his spirit. I think his thinking about this is completely nuts - it's simply a matter of grammar -NOT 2 people! I have a BA in English so I feel somewhat qualified to speak about this. It's merely 2 different words to refer to yourself depending on where in the sentence your reference is - as the subject or the object. It's kind of amazing that he wrote a book on a complete philosophy based on a misunderstanding of grammar. Does that bother you?

"Billions and Billions"

I do love Carl Sagan. He was way wise before his time. I have been watching "Cosmos" on Netflix some evenings. What a visionary!
Well, my "billions" theme is 2 fold. Both Sagan and my realization that this blog is simply a journal. I tried to find a live conversation blog to join but the field is so utterly vast, that I can't find a way in. If someone out there know how to show me, please do, but until then I will just assume this is a space of my private thoughts.
Fibromyalgia was my most dominant New Years theme. I took care of my grandson and 'THE DOG" for 3 nights and it has literally taken a week for me to recover. To have to lay in bed for 2 full days, too weak and tired to walk to the kitchen is simply frightening. I get so, so, so scared. If I became ill in any way, or if the damn insurance co wouldn't let me have my pain meds, I WOULD be bed-ridden. And I am just terrified of getting really old. The damn insurance co's (I always use the prefix "damn" when I talk about insurance co's) won't let me have long-term care coverage because I take pain meds. My daughter's life is just too busy and her house too small to have the burden of an old lady.
But the greatest fear is my son. I HAVE to get him squared away before I can go anywhere. He is living in his 100-yr-old brick garage with no running water because his house bruned in June. He is paranoid psychotic and also has Fibromyalgia. This is a long, sad story. I don't want to tell it now - I want to go paint. I am a decorative artist (a rather good one too!) and I must get to work to earn a few moneys to help things out. This is just a time of some revelations that I must learn to deal with.......

NEW YEAR!! What's new? What's OLD is what's new!

Again, I ponder why I'm one of a very small group of people who want to know more about our true spirit and the afterlife. I guess I do finally understand why the East Indian people is so content with their current lives - why get all frantic when we DO reincarnate hundreds of times!
I have learned that the reason this is such an unpopular view in the US is because THE Christain Church wants people to feel they only have one lifetime to REPENT (I really dislike that word - mostly I don't understand it) I'm going to have to wait until I can speak to those-who-know before I understand the concept of original sin, but aside from that, I have learned from repeated sources that we have many, many lives to learn what God wants us to know -(now this is the real meaning of life, so pay attention) THAT WE MUST LEARN TO LOVE EACH OTHER AS HE LOVES US! Duh. Where have we heard that before?
Now, I will repeat this concept multiple times throughout my blogs so people are clear on that, but there's so much to learn about how it all works and I can't wait to tell you!
I do have a bibliography to prove I'm not just thinking all this up on my own, but when I read things in multiple places, I figure it's more like general knowledge, but some things that I think YOU should read, I will cite.
So after reading Tolle's book and Betty Eadie's book about Heaven, I really wanted to know more about our "real selves". By the way, I have not learned how to meditate yet - I intend to - but that's one reason why I haven't known about our spirits being different from who we are in the flesh.
The next place I went was that website near-death.com and read everything I could there. It is absolutely fascinating. Again, after you read many sources of the same thing, it begins to be believable. There are 2 other NDE (near death experience) web sites - IANDS, the international site, and NDERF.org which is the research website. But near-death.com is very reader friendly and I can click on a word to answer a quick question.
So, our spirits were created long ago (although I have read about new spirits also) and we helped God plan how our universe would be - how the naturals laws would work.
When we die, our spirits have some choices. We can stay on Earth for a while and check on our loved ones and help them deal with our passing. You hear about THE LIGHT and the TUNNEL all the time. The light has an almost magnet-like pull on us toward the tunnel. The tunnel is to take you to the different dimension where Heaven is. People describe the tunnel as dark, warm, and peaceful, but often they "feel" other spirits in the darkness from scarey ones to animals and regular folks. You are met by the appropriate entity that is most important to you. It can be your religious leader or family members. One interesting point I want to mention is that they say if you suffer a particularly violent death, God will take your spirit early so you don't suffer the pain - isn't that just like Him!
There are some outstanding people in the field you should know about. The oldest ones are Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Dr. Melvin Morse, and Dr. Raymond Moody. They all have books. Reliable people that you probably already know about include Dr. Brian Weiss, the hypnotist who studies reincarnated souls, ("Many Lives, Many Masters") and James Van Praagh ,"Ghosts Among Us."
Well, I'm getting too tired: after 3 days of taking care of my 4-yr-old grandson and his huge hyper dog, my Fibromyalgia is telling me to rest now.