I'm not saying that The Urantia Book is gospel. But then I don't think the Gospel is gospel. I just think it's another explaination. And I also don't think there isn't a Hell - I just don't think it's what we generally think it is.
I also want to say this - NOONE CARES HOW MUCH YOU KNOW UNTIL THEY KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CARE.
I think people get so tied up in their lives and jobs and close circle of collegues, that their entire view of things becomes very small and their emotions are easily threatened. This is so especially true of people who work in churches and politics. I wish all these people could understand the difference between knowledge and wisdom. Both pastors and politicians can be passionately eloquent stating lots of scripture and the constitution and current thinking and still be off key. And when the person is BOTH a churchperson and a politician you get .............!
I wish I could say more but I've got to get to work.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Law of Attraction
Well! Throughout several sources of my readings about heaven and the afterlife PLUS "The Secret", I am so tickled about how this really works. Intellectually I know it works and when I put it to the test in small ways it always works so I am wondering why we all don't use it all the time.
I am also wondering why humans haven't known about the afterlife and our wonderful spirits and spirit guides always. I am very upset about how the Catholic church decided to erase all mention of reincarnation from the Bible in the 3rd century. They did that so they could put the fear into people that they had to "repent" and accept Christ NOW.
All through history people have suffered so so terribly from fear that the Catholic church caused. It really makes me furious. The real truth is that hell is in your mind and if a person thinks they are going to hell, then when they die they think they are unworthy to go to Heaven, so what they expect - is what they get! God doesn't let them suffer indefinitely - He sends spirits to get them. But if, by chance, you die thinking you are unworthy of Heaven and you find yourself in a dark place, look for that little white light and call to Jesus to come and get you and He will! Just that simple.
From all the hundreds and hundreds of near-death experiences we have learned that we judge ourselves in that instantaneous life review and then later our soul partners talk with us and go over our lives in detail and analyze what you did wrong and how to make it better.
From several readings about hypnosis to reveal our spirit selves, we CHOOSE our lives to come to experience the events we need to help us grow in the spirit to our ultimate goal - to LOVE AS GOD LOVES US. Wow. What a challenge. How do you think we are doing as a species? Pretty scarey, huh!
I know you have questions about hideous people like Hitler - well, we learn that their spirits are so damaged that their very particles are rearranged into someone different. Energy can't be destroyed, so that's why they are rearranged.
When I was a very young mom in a mountain cabin, some summer residents came to talk to me about their spiritual view. They told me about the Urantia Book. I thought they were crazy. They were excited to die so they could go to the "mansion worlds". I didn't have a clue what they were talking about. They said the Urantia book was written in the early 20th century by a group of people who were given divine revalations about what to write. It is a HUGE book that would take forever to read. It has the complete, detailed history of our planet and all the creatures. I remember that it talked about our spirit guides that could be from other planets.
I keep talking about this because have recently learned that it IS ALL TRUE.
It is sort of like the Bible but without the archaic language.
I plan to scan through it again now that I have learned more.
Isn't it always true about us folks that we either hate or make fun of what we don't understand!
We are such a stupid species. I wonder how God tolerates us at all. But I guess He sees possibities for us.
Cheers.
I am also wondering why humans haven't known about the afterlife and our wonderful spirits and spirit guides always. I am very upset about how the Catholic church decided to erase all mention of reincarnation from the Bible in the 3rd century. They did that so they could put the fear into people that they had to "repent" and accept Christ NOW.
All through history people have suffered so so terribly from fear that the Catholic church caused. It really makes me furious. The real truth is that hell is in your mind and if a person thinks they are going to hell, then when they die they think they are unworthy to go to Heaven, so what they expect - is what they get! God doesn't let them suffer indefinitely - He sends spirits to get them. But if, by chance, you die thinking you are unworthy of Heaven and you find yourself in a dark place, look for that little white light and call to Jesus to come and get you and He will! Just that simple.
From all the hundreds and hundreds of near-death experiences we have learned that we judge ourselves in that instantaneous life review and then later our soul partners talk with us and go over our lives in detail and analyze what you did wrong and how to make it better.
From several readings about hypnosis to reveal our spirit selves, we CHOOSE our lives to come to experience the events we need to help us grow in the spirit to our ultimate goal - to LOVE AS GOD LOVES US. Wow. What a challenge. How do you think we are doing as a species? Pretty scarey, huh!
I know you have questions about hideous people like Hitler - well, we learn that their spirits are so damaged that their very particles are rearranged into someone different. Energy can't be destroyed, so that's why they are rearranged.
When I was a very young mom in a mountain cabin, some summer residents came to talk to me about their spiritual view. They told me about the Urantia Book. I thought they were crazy. They were excited to die so they could go to the "mansion worlds". I didn't have a clue what they were talking about. They said the Urantia book was written in the early 20th century by a group of people who were given divine revalations about what to write. It is a HUGE book that would take forever to read. It has the complete, detailed history of our planet and all the creatures. I remember that it talked about our spirit guides that could be from other planets.
I keep talking about this because have recently learned that it IS ALL TRUE.
It is sort of like the Bible but without the archaic language.
I plan to scan through it again now that I have learned more.
Isn't it always true about us folks that we either hate or make fun of what we don't understand!
We are such a stupid species. I wonder how God tolerates us at all. But I guess He sees possibities for us.
Cheers.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Another new thing to deal with
Well, I did go to DC. The old Mayflower Hotel is just as beautiful as ever. I had 3 full days to see what I could. The first day, Mike had the afternoon off of his meeting and he went with me to the Air and Space Museum. I couldn't believe how crowded it was. I guess it was because it was a Saturday. But Sunday I got to look at art. Monday too. I had forgotten how much I love real art. You find yourself just in astonished awe that you are actually in front of a John Singer Seargent or a Whistler or Bierstadt.
And I had forgotten how much I know about art. I got so tickled when I met a lady in those exquisite marble bathrooms in the modern art gallery and we talked about art and I realized knew every painting she mentioned.
But the trip home was a new kind of problem. My plane left at 4pm - the middle of my usual daily rest because of my Fibromyalgia. I had the middle seat - also after our layover. Because of this I was unable to lean on anything except the tray table to rest. I was one of the last people who got off the plain because I was using my cane and when I got up the ramp to the terminal and took a few more steps, I collapsed. First time in my life.
It was 10:30pm in our little terminal and there was noone in sight for me to ask for help. Mike was outside waiting in the car. When I was telling him what happened and wondering what to do my little miracle happened - a man came racing around the corner with a wheelchair to get the last broken down person on the plane. He kindly helped me first.
This has begun a new phase of life for me. I was again that exhausted 2 days later when my husband was out of town.
I'M NOT AN OLD LADY IN MY BRAIN!!!! It doesn't seem well planned that our brains are still young when our bodies break down. Hmm. I rarely find problems with how perfectly God has life planned out. It has to be something we did wrong. Well, Stephen Hawking becomes an even more huge a hero to me. Isn't he cool!!! He should have died 30 years ago.
And I had forgotten how much I know about art. I got so tickled when I met a lady in those exquisite marble bathrooms in the modern art gallery and we talked about art and I realized knew every painting she mentioned.
But the trip home was a new kind of problem. My plane left at 4pm - the middle of my usual daily rest because of my Fibromyalgia. I had the middle seat - also after our layover. Because of this I was unable to lean on anything except the tray table to rest. I was one of the last people who got off the plain because I was using my cane and when I got up the ramp to the terminal and took a few more steps, I collapsed. First time in my life.
It was 10:30pm in our little terminal and there was noone in sight for me to ask for help. Mike was outside waiting in the car. When I was telling him what happened and wondering what to do my little miracle happened - a man came racing around the corner with a wheelchair to get the last broken down person on the plane. He kindly helped me first.
This has begun a new phase of life for me. I was again that exhausted 2 days later when my husband was out of town.
I'M NOT AN OLD LADY IN MY BRAIN!!!! It doesn't seem well planned that our brains are still young when our bodies break down. Hmm. I rarely find problems with how perfectly God has life planned out. It has to be something we did wrong. Well, Stephen Hawking becomes an even more huge a hero to me. Isn't he cool!!! He should have died 30 years ago.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
The Pain of Loving Him So Much
My beautiful, sweet son is suffering so terribly much. His mind is so full of fears that he is unable to ever rest except when he can reach deep sleep. When we are out of the house he is constantly looking around at all the imagined followers that are "watching" him. If I even hint that he is hallucinating, he gets wildly upset and turns away from me and instantly shuts me out and says that if I don't believe him he feels absolutely alone.
I did believe him about the police watching him. He IS a very suspicious-looking person. He wears all black, has a shaved head, has no visable means of support, stays inside that dark garage for days at a time, and seems not to have any obvious disabilities. I DID see people that seemed to be watching him - but not as obvious as they did about 5 years ago when there were 5 cars of them that watched him and changed positions every 15 minutes. That time he didn't have psychosis yet and he didn't tell me what was going on for 3 weeks. He never thinks I can do anything to help him, but when he did tell me, I went to his house and had him come and sit on the porch with me and we talked about his health and his troubles. I went into his house and his garage and within MINUTES, they all disappeared.
This time he said he got to talk to the "homeless" woman that was always stationed at one of the 2 places he always goes every night - he goes to the Goodwill and ARC drop-offs to check for stuff. He has seen her ever since his house burned and he has always been kind to her. He bought her coffee and gave her a sleeping bag. But that night he got to talk to her all night and told her all his mental problems. She disappeared the next night and hasn't been seen since - AND he hasn't been watched by the police ever since.
BUT 2 days ago he said now he's being followed by other people. He doesn't know who they are - he thinks they may be a neighborhood vigalante police group of men who are unemployed and don't have anything to do or maybe some gay people who are interested in him, or maybe his annoying neighbors who like to torment him just for fun.
There is NO place where he is "safe" - even MY bedroom. He comes over about 9 at night when his day starts to talk to me before I go to sleep. Last night the electricity went off and he said he saw a flash light outside flashing at him through the window and that it was his neighbor who always flashes a light in the trees to torment him. Of course he didn't admit that it could be the neighbors using their flash light because the electricity was off.
SO - I have been having panic thoughts in the middle of the night because I am realizing he is so out of control and it's so big and complicated that I am completely unable to help him. Under his black clothes he is still his sweet "little boy innocent" self. He is completely peaceful and kind, compassionate and caring. He is strangely naive because of all his learning disabilities. He can't do many normal things like get a car licensed or get an insurance policy or find a counselor. My husband and I have always had to do those things for him. He is 36 and he doesn't even know that he doesn't know how to do those things. He is brilliant doing any kind of woodwork or electrical work.
Normally a woman can look to her husband for wisdom, strength, and help. My poor, dear husband is so overwhelmed and depressed that he just can't handle it. His job takes all of his energy and Alex spends way too much money on his hypochondriac superfood drinks and vitamins and cleaning supplies to live in a garage with no facilities but hose water. (crazy sentence)
Three weeks ago I finally told him that he has to come home to get well. That is so traumatic for him that his mental fears are worse than ever. I have to be as patient and tactful as a saint to keep him from falling and shattering to pieces.
When I try to talk to my daughter to get some understanding and support and if I mention that he thinks he is being followed, she just says she can't even talk to me if I allow him to say that without challenging him on it. So I don't talk to anybody - except Blogspot.
I need to go fix dinner.
I did believe him about the police watching him. He IS a very suspicious-looking person. He wears all black, has a shaved head, has no visable means of support, stays inside that dark garage for days at a time, and seems not to have any obvious disabilities. I DID see people that seemed to be watching him - but not as obvious as they did about 5 years ago when there were 5 cars of them that watched him and changed positions every 15 minutes. That time he didn't have psychosis yet and he didn't tell me what was going on for 3 weeks. He never thinks I can do anything to help him, but when he did tell me, I went to his house and had him come and sit on the porch with me and we talked about his health and his troubles. I went into his house and his garage and within MINUTES, they all disappeared.
This time he said he got to talk to the "homeless" woman that was always stationed at one of the 2 places he always goes every night - he goes to the Goodwill and ARC drop-offs to check for stuff. He has seen her ever since his house burned and he has always been kind to her. He bought her coffee and gave her a sleeping bag. But that night he got to talk to her all night and told her all his mental problems. She disappeared the next night and hasn't been seen since - AND he hasn't been watched by the police ever since.
BUT 2 days ago he said now he's being followed by other people. He doesn't know who they are - he thinks they may be a neighborhood vigalante police group of men who are unemployed and don't have anything to do or maybe some gay people who are interested in him, or maybe his annoying neighbors who like to torment him just for fun.
There is NO place where he is "safe" - even MY bedroom. He comes over about 9 at night when his day starts to talk to me before I go to sleep. Last night the electricity went off and he said he saw a flash light outside flashing at him through the window and that it was his neighbor who always flashes a light in the trees to torment him. Of course he didn't admit that it could be the neighbors using their flash light because the electricity was off.
SO - I have been having panic thoughts in the middle of the night because I am realizing he is so out of control and it's so big and complicated that I am completely unable to help him. Under his black clothes he is still his sweet "little boy innocent" self. He is completely peaceful and kind, compassionate and caring. He is strangely naive because of all his learning disabilities. He can't do many normal things like get a car licensed or get an insurance policy or find a counselor. My husband and I have always had to do those things for him. He is 36 and he doesn't even know that he doesn't know how to do those things. He is brilliant doing any kind of woodwork or electrical work.
Normally a woman can look to her husband for wisdom, strength, and help. My poor, dear husband is so overwhelmed and depressed that he just can't handle it. His job takes all of his energy and Alex spends way too much money on his hypochondriac superfood drinks and vitamins and cleaning supplies to live in a garage with no facilities but hose water. (crazy sentence)
Three weeks ago I finally told him that he has to come home to get well. That is so traumatic for him that his mental fears are worse than ever. I have to be as patient and tactful as a saint to keep him from falling and shattering to pieces.
When I try to talk to my daughter to get some understanding and support and if I mention that he thinks he is being followed, she just says she can't even talk to me if I allow him to say that without challenging him on it. So I don't talk to anybody - except Blogspot.
I need to go fix dinner.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Washington, DC
I love DC. I have lived in Colorado for 66 years, with one year off in '65 in London, '70 in Kansas City, and '81 in DC.
I love the way it smells, like boxwood and greenery - like England does. I admit that I was literally knocked over by the summer heat and humidity when I got out of the car the first time but the gift of air conditioning makes it bearable.
Mike was invited for a year to work there fto help write guidelines for the then program to help unemployed people to get retraining for jobs.
The kids were 5 and 7. We lived in a very nice complex in Alexandria that was full of people from all over the world. It took quite a while for me to feel competent to drive there, but when they had a light snow I felt like the worlds expert.I remember being amazed by people from South America sitting in a parking lot just burning rubber off their tires trying to get out. I also was amazed by a lady we saw every day when I took the kids to school from South America who drove with one hand on the horn. Unbelievable!
But after growing up in the relatively sterile cultural environment of Colorado, we reveled in the vast amount of rich sources of museums, historical sites and buildings, and beautiful gardens and greenery.
We were so fortunate to become very close to one of our neighbor families who were from Turkey. They enriched our lives considerably. I learned so much about a true Islam family.
I had never met anyone before who included their love of God as the prominate subject of their day. I loved her.
Anyway, Mike has a conference in DC this weekend and is staying in the beautiful, historic Mayflower Hotel and I am going too. It took me a long time to feel that Alex was stable enough for me to be able to leave town. I have not left town for 10 years because I've been afraid of leaving him alone. (this is my paranoid, psychotic 35-yr-old son). Also traveling with Fibromyalgia as bad as I have it is quite tricky too. Actually, I had better go pack. YAHOOO!!!
I love the way it smells, like boxwood and greenery - like England does. I admit that I was literally knocked over by the summer heat and humidity when I got out of the car the first time but the gift of air conditioning makes it bearable.
Mike was invited for a year to work there fto help write guidelines for the then program to help unemployed people to get retraining for jobs.
The kids were 5 and 7. We lived in a very nice complex in Alexandria that was full of people from all over the world. It took quite a while for me to feel competent to drive there, but when they had a light snow I felt like the worlds expert.I remember being amazed by people from South America sitting in a parking lot just burning rubber off their tires trying to get out. I also was amazed by a lady we saw every day when I took the kids to school from South America who drove with one hand on the horn. Unbelievable!
But after growing up in the relatively sterile cultural environment of Colorado, we reveled in the vast amount of rich sources of museums, historical sites and buildings, and beautiful gardens and greenery.
We were so fortunate to become very close to one of our neighbor families who were from Turkey. They enriched our lives considerably. I learned so much about a true Islam family.
I had never met anyone before who included their love of God as the prominate subject of their day. I loved her.
Anyway, Mike has a conference in DC this weekend and is staying in the beautiful, historic Mayflower Hotel and I am going too. It took me a long time to feel that Alex was stable enough for me to be able to leave town. I have not left town for 10 years because I've been afraid of leaving him alone. (this is my paranoid, psychotic 35-yr-old son). Also traveling with Fibromyalgia as bad as I have it is quite tricky too. Actually, I had better go pack. YAHOOO!!!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
families of the mentally ill
Well, I just can't figure out how to find the blogs I want. I think I am probably just too old to be able to use these sites like the young do. I wanted to find a site for support about having a mentally ill family member. I did go to a NAMI class (National Asociation of the Mentally Ill) and we had a few group meetings when it was over, but the group just didn't gel. I tried to go on Craig's list in town to find one and I think that site is just for the young because of the crazy names and titles there - plus all the "language" - nothing real.
I am messing around about starting a book about the past year because when I tell people that they just wouldn't believe what we've been through, they say I should try. There is just so, so much. I'm not sure anyone would want to read such a book. Maybe thrill seekers. I would like for other people to share what they've been through and see how we have handled things, how we have tried to learn the right ways to help him and I need their advice.
I watched "The Soloist" a few days ago and it was just so obvious to me that Steve Lopez and the first chair cello player thought the mentally ill man could just CHOOSE to act normally and do normal things. They just didn't get it. The wonderful man who ran the homeless shelter did.
The homeless shelter literally makes my stomach churn. If I don't get my son on the right track before Mike and I die, HE could be sitting outside that shelter all day in that cement city surrounded by the noise of all those tortured souls. I just couldn't stand that. Here in Colorado Springs, he would sleep down by the river in weather so cold it could kill him. Of course in our wonderfully famous "Fundamental Right -wing Republican Christain" city, the homeless are not allowed to exist. Even the unemployed homeless families are not allowed to "BE" anywhere that other people can see them. If they try to camp along the river the cops will come and throw away all their few precious belongings and items that help them survive. The shelters are beyond full. Where are they supposed to go? Wow, this is just another "thing" I get up about.
This coming weekend I am planning to go to DC with Mike while he has a business meeting. We lived there a year and I loved it. We get to stay at the Mayflower - an exquisite, grand old hotel. It has lots of ballrooms that they use for conferences now. Think of that - lots of ballrooms! Each one uniquely designed. We used to take the kids there on Sunday afternoons and sit somewhere in a corner and have tea and hot chocolates and watch. Now I get to stay there for 4 nights!
This is the first time in 10 years I have dared to leave Alex alone in town. I am very uneasy about it now. I DO have the comfort of a mature, responsible, understanding daughter and her husband in a town nearby, but she and Alex do not communicate. He would call her in the middle of the night if something really bad happened - like when he got arrested for unpaid parking tickets.
Now he ONLY has a vengeful sociopath stalking him, another seriously angry, vengeful no-good, low class, violent (what other words can I use?) person angry at him(who is trying to set him up as a meth-maker! TRUE!), two immature guys next door that secretly film him for fun, several negative spirit ghosts that constantly taunt him (yes, that's true too whether you want to believe it or not), AND a few cops from the Colorado Springs police deparment watching him all the time to figure out if he is a drug dealer or a crazy terrorist or what.
Damn! I have no business leaving town! And right now he won't talk to me because I went to his house just after he took the trash out and raked his back property and THE GHOSTS really give him a bad time when they think he cleans up for his mom. YES! YES! Truely! Really! This is what we are dealing with! Can you believe it? It's TRUE. I HAVE TO YELL BECAUSE IIT'S SO F...ING CRAZY!!!!!
I am messing around about starting a book about the past year because when I tell people that they just wouldn't believe what we've been through, they say I should try. There is just so, so much. I'm not sure anyone would want to read such a book. Maybe thrill seekers. I would like for other people to share what they've been through and see how we have handled things, how we have tried to learn the right ways to help him and I need their advice.
I watched "The Soloist" a few days ago and it was just so obvious to me that Steve Lopez and the first chair cello player thought the mentally ill man could just CHOOSE to act normally and do normal things. They just didn't get it. The wonderful man who ran the homeless shelter did.
The homeless shelter literally makes my stomach churn. If I don't get my son on the right track before Mike and I die, HE could be sitting outside that shelter all day in that cement city surrounded by the noise of all those tortured souls. I just couldn't stand that. Here in Colorado Springs, he would sleep down by the river in weather so cold it could kill him. Of course in our wonderfully famous "Fundamental Right -wing Republican Christain" city, the homeless are not allowed to exist. Even the unemployed homeless families are not allowed to "BE" anywhere that other people can see them. If they try to camp along the river the cops will come and throw away all their few precious belongings and items that help them survive. The shelters are beyond full. Where are they supposed to go? Wow, this is just another "thing" I get up about.
This coming weekend I am planning to go to DC with Mike while he has a business meeting. We lived there a year and I loved it. We get to stay at the Mayflower - an exquisite, grand old hotel. It has lots of ballrooms that they use for conferences now. Think of that - lots of ballrooms! Each one uniquely designed. We used to take the kids there on Sunday afternoons and sit somewhere in a corner and have tea and hot chocolates and watch. Now I get to stay there for 4 nights!
This is the first time in 10 years I have dared to leave Alex alone in town. I am very uneasy about it now. I DO have the comfort of a mature, responsible, understanding daughter and her husband in a town nearby, but she and Alex do not communicate. He would call her in the middle of the night if something really bad happened - like when he got arrested for unpaid parking tickets.
Now he ONLY has a vengeful sociopath stalking him, another seriously angry, vengeful no-good, low class, violent (what other words can I use?) person angry at him(who is trying to set him up as a meth-maker! TRUE!), two immature guys next door that secretly film him for fun, several negative spirit ghosts that constantly taunt him (yes, that's true too whether you want to believe it or not), AND a few cops from the Colorado Springs police deparment watching him all the time to figure out if he is a drug dealer or a crazy terrorist or what.
Damn! I have no business leaving town! And right now he won't talk to me because I went to his house just after he took the trash out and raked his back property and THE GHOSTS really give him a bad time when they think he cleans up for his mom. YES! YES! Truely! Really! This is what we are dealing with! Can you believe it? It's TRUE. I HAVE TO YELL BECAUSE IIT'S SO F...ING CRAZY!!!!!
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